Red vs Blue Symphonian Stories Season 5
by Rey'ekk
Summary: AU Based off Red vs Blue. New arrivals in Blood Gulch stir up chaos, with Lloyd having a baby and a new face showing up on Red Team. Oh yeah, and Tenebrae's disappeared, so that's kind of an issue too.
1. Dibs

Chapter 1

Dibs

Blood Gulch. A box canyon in the middle of nowhere, where for some reason, two teams decided to build bases. Nobody knew, but then again nobody really cared., Private Emil Castagnier, the unofficial leader of the Sylvaranti Blue Team, ran into the Blue Base and made his way through the corridors. As he approached the medical ward, he could hear an almighty din of crashing, thumping and blarging.

He spotted Mithos Yggdrassil, the medic he'd hired, standing in the passageway. "Hey Yggy, what the hell's going on in there?"

"Castagnier, everything's fine." Mithos reassured, putting the pad away. "The patient's just resting."

Emil cringed as he heard a loud smashing of bottles in the ward. "It doesn't _sound_ like he's resting."

"That's not Irving." Mithos corrected. "That's our new arrival. He's got a lot of energy since his first feeding."

Emil grimaced and looked like he was about to hurl. "Lloyd _fed_ the baby? Oh dear god."

"Actually, Sage was kind enough to donate some blood. You know what they say, it takes a village."

"How'd you get him to agree to that?"

"It's amazing what Sage will do if you promise him a cookie and a glass of orange juice."

"He hates needles."

"No needles." Mithos assured. "It turns out, if you just expose some bare skin, the little guy digs right in! It's like a _miracle_ to see nature at work."

At that moment, Genis came staggering out of the ward, no armor on, and leaned against the wall. "I feel dizzy…"

Emil looked up and saw that his blue teammate was looking very pale. "Um, is he gonna be okay?"

"Irving's kid drank half a gallon in one go, isn't that cool?" Mithos giggled. "I think he's gonna be a linebacker, or a vampire… or a _vampire linebacker_! That'd be crazy."

Genis pushed himself upright and then glanced woozily up at the ceiling. "Oooooh…"

"Anyway blood _is_ pretty important." Mithos continued seriously. "So Sage is bound to have some side effects like dizziness, or nausea, or sensitivity to light-"

"I think I'm going to stop standing up now." Genis slurred then he slumped to the floor.

"Or passing out." Mithos finished.

"Castagnier, if I die, I want you to have my orange juice." Genis whimpered.

Just then, there was another loud crashing noise followed by an even louder "Blargblargblargblargblarg!"

"How can Lloyd sleep with all that _racket?_" Emil cried out.

"_Sleep?_" Mithos asked puzzled. "He's not sleeping, he's in a coma."

"Alright, that's it." Emil growled. "Get out of the way. I'll take care of this."

"I can't feel my torso." Genis moaned.

"I don't think so." Mithos retorted, stepping in front of Emil. "A newborn is _really susceptible_ to infection and disease, and cuddling. I only wanna expose it to as few people as possible."

"Yggy, don't worry, I'm not gonna give it a cold. I'm just gonna go in there, step on its neck and shoot it in the head, because that's how I roll."

"Well, now you're _definitely_ not coming in." Mithos insisted. "And I think we're gonna send back your shower gift too."

"I'm still laying here." Genis whined. "Why won't anyone help me?"

"I tell you what." Emil scowled, ignoring Genis's pleas. "I promise to wash my hands before I destroy the abomination of nature, okay?"

Mithos folded his arms and shook his head. "Sorry."

"Dude, seriously, you can't keep me from going inside my own base."

"Castagnier, don't make me pull rank on you."

"_Rank?_ What the fuck?" Emil cried out. "You don't outrank me, I'm a Captain!"

"No, you're a Private with a _dead_ Captain." Mithos corrected. "The last time I checked, that makes you a Private, with a dead Captain."

"My body… is trying to die." Genis moaned.

"Okay, fine." Emil snapped. "Then we're both Privates, you don't outrank me."

"No." Mithos retorted. "I'm Medical _Super-Private, First Class._"

"That's not a real rank."

"Yes it is."

"Since when?"

"Uh, since I sent them a letter every day for four years requesting that promotion."

"They promoted you for _that!?_ You haven't even used a weapon!"

"Leadership isn't about firing bullets and stabbing people. Leadership is about being able to tell _others_ to fire bullets and stab people."

Genis rolled on to his back. "If I've been bitten, does that mean I'm going to turn _into _one of them?"

"Shut up, Sage." Emil snapped.

"Blaaaaa-."

"Shut up, Sage."

"-aaaarrrgg. Don't let me turn."

Suddenly there was a loud whooshing roar followed by a crash so loud the ground shook and Emil and Mithos were thrown three feet into the air.

"What the hell was that!?" Emil gasped.

"I didn't feel anything." Genis murmured.

"I'll be right back." Emil yelled to Mithos, running back up the passageway. "Don't feed any more of our soldiers to the alien!"

"Okay." Mithos called back. "But I can't make any promises."

"Don't leave me with the horrible doctor." Genis shouted weakly.

"Oh shut up, Sage." Mithos said irately.

"Now he's cursing at me."

* * *

Outside the Base, a great cloud of dust had covered most of the canyon, hiding the airship that had crash-landed right in the middle of Blood Gulch.

With a fit of coughs, the Sergeant Kratos Aurion of the Tethe'alla Red Team emerged from the dust, clutching his shotgun. "Sheena, status report."

"Um, an enormous thing just fell out of the sky and landed on Presea, Sir." Private First Class Sheena Fujibayashi said.

"Are there any other injuries?"

"No Sir."

"You sure?"

"I think so."

"Are you sure? No one _accidentally_ got shot in the face when someone else's shotgun just accidentally went off during the _incredible distraction_ of a spaceship crash landing, purely by coincidence?"

"Uh, I don't kno-"

"_No one __dressed in__ orange?_"

"I'm fine." Private Zelos Wilder muttered, stepping out from the settling dust cloud.

"Sorry, Sir." Sheena said.

"Oh damn." Kratos grunted, glancing his gun. "I really need to adjust the sights on this thing."

"What about Presea, Sir? There's _no way_ she survived _that_." Sheena sighed and bowed her head sadly. "I'll miss her like a sister."

Kratos nodded glumly. "I'll miss her like… well, like someone I knew but that I don't really want to reflect on how deep our relationship went."

Just then, from the ship, there came a series of loud metallic noises.

"Wait a second." Sheena cried. "Do you hear that? It sounds like tapping."

"All I hear is you guys talkin' about your feelings for Presea." Zelos replied with a grimace, brushing the dust off his armor. "And I have to say, I'm not really comfortable with that."

Sheena stepped closer to the ship and then heard the tapping. "_Listen_, there it is again."

"You're absolutely right!" Kratos yelled. "That sounds like Morris Code."

"Um, excuse me Sir?" Sheena cut in. "It's actually not _Morris_ Code, it's _Morse_ Code, Sir."

"Ha, Morse." Kratos chuckled. "That sounds ridiculous. I don't think so."

"Yes. _Morse_ is the person who developed an international code for communicating without audio. Mor_ris_ was a television cat that sold cat food."

"And that cat was one of our _finest military minds_. Don't you see? That just means Presea is alive and trying to contact us! Now get to tappin'!"

Sheena rubbed her chin in thought. "Maybe we can lift the ship off of her somehow."

"Great idea, Sheena!" Kratos cried out. "I've read reports that people can get _enormous strength_ in stressful situations. There was one woman who lifted a car off her baby."

"You want me to call Presea's mother?" Zelos chuckled.

"Don't make me angry, Wilder, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry." Kratos growled. "Now if only there was some way to tap into our inner rage, like that Hulk guy. You know, there's never any gamma radiation around when you need it."

"Well." Sheena suggested. "What if we tried getting into the ship and lowering the landing gear? That might _raise_ the ship-"

"Or." Kratos cut in. "We could build an army of clones that could _lift_ the ship-"

"I think that the jack in the Warthog might be able to lift it…"

"I could develop a machine that shrinks the ship, or that makes Presea gigantic, or both!"

"Or we could try digging underneath the hull…"

"I got it!" Kratos bellowed. "A levitation ray… I think I have a spare in the base! I'll be right back."

"But Sir!" Sheena called.

"Sheena, there's no time to chat about your crackpot theories!" Kratos yelled, leaping into the jeep. "This is a crisis situation. It's time to save us all, with science!" And with that, he drove off back to the Red Base.

Zelos watched him leave then turned to Sheena with a sigh. "Sarge just drove away with our jack, didn't he?"

"And our shovels." Sheena muttered. "Sometimes I'm amazed our entire platoon hasn't starved to death."

"What the fuck are you guys doing out here, breaking the canyon?"

Zelos and Sheena spun round at the shout to find Emil standing by the ship, sniper rifle in his hands.

"Fuck off, Blue." Zelos snapped. "A ship just crashed on one of our guys."

"What, this ship?"

"No, another ship." Sheena replied sarcastically. "Then that ship left and this ship crashed in the exact same spot."

"Where'd it come from?" Emil asked.

"It's a spaceship." Zelos replied. "It came from space."

Emil glanced at the ship then at the Reds then placed a hand on the side of the ship. "Dibs."

"What?" Sheena cried out.

"Dibs." Emil repeated. "I just called dibs. This is my ship now. Dibs."

"No, it isn't, _jackass_." Sheena scowled. "We found it first."

"Yeah, but you didn't call dibs." Emil pointed out. "I did… Dibs. See?"

"You can't call dibs on a spaceship!" Zelos yelled. "That's ridiculous."

"Yes I can." Emil chuckled. "Dibs- see? I just did it again. Now get the fuck away from my ship, tomato can."

"Don't call me tomato can!" Sheena shouted, aiming her rifle at Emil.

"Try and take it then." Zelos retorted, raising his own gun

"Um, okay." Emil glanced over his shoulder. "Luna?"

"You bet." Behind Emil, Luna came rolling up the hill and pointed her turret at the Reds.

"Aw fuck!" Zelos yelled. "You forgot about that too, didn't you?"

"Yeah, kinda." Sheena muttered.

"Now step away from the ship, tomato can." Luna ordered.

"Ha ha, tomato can." Zelos laughed.

"You too, lemon head."

"Hey, I'm orange, not yellow!"

Before a smartass response could be made, Emil noticed the tapping noise coming from the ship.

"What the hell is that tapping noise?" Emil asked curiously. "It sounds like Morris Code."

"Morse!" Sheena yelled.

"Luna, if she corrects me again, please make her blow up." Emil ordered the tank.

"Sounds like fun." Luna giggled, swiveling her turret towards Sheena.

Emil listened to the tapping for a while. "Well, what does it say?"

"It says 'tap tap tap', we don't know." Zelos retorted.

"We were trying to translate it when you showed up and interrupted us." Sheena added.

"No." Emil argued. "When I interrupted you, you were standing around doing _nothing_; just like the last fifty times I interrupted you." He then placed his head by the side of the ship. "Oh, wait, wait, wait, listen! Listen, it says… 'Red… sucks… balls!' Hey look, my new ship can talk, and it knows things." He patted the ship fondly. "That's a good ship."

"It's not your ship." Sheena snapped. "It's our ship. We called it and it came."

"I don't know." Emil muttered, glancing over the outside of the ship. "I don't see any markings on it."

"It landed on Presea!" Sheena yelled.

"That was hilarious." Luna laughed.

"How the heck would that mean- Oh wait, Presea?! The pink girl?!" Emil cried out. "Oh fuck, I actually liked her!"

"Seriously, what's with all these feelings for Presea?!" Zelos shouted.

"You can't have the ship." Sheena proclaimed.

"I'm not asking for it." Emil retorted, folding his arms. "It's already mine, right Luna?"

"Actually, I kind of like it." Luna murmured, turning her turret to look at the Pelican. "I think it is mine."

Emil whirled round to stare at the tank. "Hey are you okay?"

As Emil and Luna began to argue, Sheena turned to Zelos and whispered in his ear, "I think there's something wrong with the tank."

"Yeah, I noticed." Zelos hissed back.

"I've got an idea."

"Whoa, okay, hold on a second. Before you get too deep in to this, let me remind you that we don't exactly have a good track record when it comes to our plans and that tank."

"Come on, Zelos, I think the tank's malfunctioning."

"Well, only _one_ part of it has to function for me to get turned into a cloud of orange mist."

"Okay." Emil comforted the tank. "Just be cool."

"I am cool." Luna said. "You be cool."

Just then, Kratos returned in the Warthog, disembarked and ran up to his team. "Bad news, fellas; I couldn't find that levitation ray, but I did find the remote control to the-" He stopped talking when he spotted Emil and Luna. "Hey, what's going on out here?! Whaddaya think you're doing, you lousy Blue?"

"I'm just trying to figure out what the deal is with this spaceship." Emil replied.

Quickly Kratos ran forward and placed a hand on the ship. "Dibs!"

"Too late." Zelos and Sheena said at the same time.

"Dammit!" Kratos yelled, stamping his foot in the dust. "Why do I _ever_ leave you two to guard anything? _Everybody_ knows about the International Dibs Protocol, and the No Takebacks Accord."

"See guys." Emil chuckled. "This is our ship. And by ours, I mean mine and my…" He turned round to look at Luna, just in time to see her drive away. "…eighty ton… friend…"

"Bye, everyone." Luna called as she disappeared over the hill.

Emil gulped and turned to grin sheepishly at the Reds. "Uh…"

At once, Kratos pointed his shotgun at him, and Zelos and Sheena whipped out their assault rifles.

"I'm gonna be right back." Emil said quickly and made a hasty retreat back to Blue Base.

"Hey Blue." Kratos called, placing his hand back on the ship. "You know that ship you called dibs on? Well I got next, hah! Now the ship is mine again!"

"Excellent strategy, Sir." Sheena cheered loyally.

"Jesus, remember when we used to solve problems with violence?" Zelos sighed. "Ah, the good ol' days…"

* * *

At the Blue Base, Emil made his way back down the passages until he came across the slumped form of his blue teammate. "Sage, where's Yggy?"

"Yggy left." Genis slurred. "He took the baby for a walk. It's growing up so fast. It seems like just yesterday he was born."

"Well, actually, that's because he was born today, like an hour ago."

"We need to cherish these times." Genis moaned. "I wish I knew how to scrapbook."

Emil then looked to the medical ward. "Where's Lloyd?"

"Still in a coma." Genis replied.

"Great." Emil sighed. "Lloyd's out, Luna's on the fritz and now Yggy is babysitting. Sage, if we survive the next five minutes, I'll be fucking amazed."

"I'm fine by the way." Genis called weakly as Emil ran outside again. "Don't worry about me…" He shivered. "I'm so cold."

* * *

Back in the canyon, Kratos turned to his two remaining Privates. "Ok guys, let's see if we can get this thing moving. I was thinking about our discussion earlier and-"

"And you decided to use one of my ideas?" Sheena asked hopefully.

"Of course not!" Kratos bellowed. "I've got a new much more realistic plan for lifting the ship. If Presea is underneath, all we need to do is enrage her to the point where she can lift the ship and our work is done. Now quick, help me think. What would make Presea furious?"

"I don't know." Zelos replied with a shrug. "Have you tried sharing your plan with her? That'd probably do it."

Kratos knelt down next to the ship. "Hey Presea, I was back at the base reading some of your _fashion mags_ – they said that pink is no longer the new black! Turns out black is the new black, and pink is the old black, which is now white! And it's after Labor Day; you know what that means…"

"Oh dear God." Zelos groaned.

"Also we needed to do some minor rust repairs on the Warthog's drive train." Kratos continued. "The bad news is that the only lubricants I could find were your imported hand creams! The good news is, the jeep now smells of lilacs, rusty metal lilacs."

Zelos pinched the bridge of his nose. "This has got to be-"

"This doesn't seem to be working." Kratos sighed as he got to his feet. "Alright, time for Plan B."

"Right." Sheena said. "We'll break into the ship and see if we can raise it-"

"_No!_" Kratos cut in. "Plan B is to try to induce superpowers in Wilder. Sheena, get my jar of radioactive spiders out of the Warthog. Come here, Wilder, I need to borrow your neck."

But suddenly, just as Kratos stepped away from the ship, there was a loud creaking and the Pelican shifted slightly.

"Did you just hear that?" Zelos cried out.

"Plan A is working!" Kratos cheered. "Quick Wilder, get me a list of the latest celebrity break-ups! Sheena, help me out!"

Her original plans forgotten, Sheena ran up next to Kratos and yelled, "Hey Presea, I hear they canceled daytime television!"

"Hey, Presea!" Kratos then shouted. "Command called. They rejected your new definition for fire in the hole. They're gonna stick with the old one."

"Oh Presea." Sheena added. "I heard that the Winter Olympics is gonna focus even _more_ on snowboarding next time!"

"I can't take this." Zelos muttered. "I'm gonna go watch some football."

"Wilder's been using your paisley thong as a slingshot!"


	2. The New Noobs

Chapter 2

The New Noobs

Outside the Blue Base, Emil kept looking round until he spotted Mithos thirty feet away, kneeling next to something. At once, Emil ran over to him.

"Hey, Yggy, we got problems, man," he shouted as he arrived. "I need to call Command."

Mithos got to his feet and turned round but he didn't reply.

"Hello? World to Yggy," Emil called. "I mean, this place to Yggy."

"Don't you want to say hello to our new friend?" Mithos asked.

"What?"

Mithos stepped to the side and Emil got his first look at the alien baby. In terms of size, it only reached up to Emil's knee, but it had the exact appearance as the alien-angel except its armor was teal instead of blue. The little alien looked up and gave a high-pitched "Honk?"

"I don't...I c- I can't... I don't... this is-"

"Take your time," Mithos assured. "This is a big moment."

"Blarg!" the alien squeaked.

Emil shook his head "I can't deal with this right now."

"Honk!"

"Shut up, you're disgusting," Emil snapped before turning to the medic. "Yggy, what's Botta's number?"

"What for?"

"For reinforcements," Emil explained. "Wait, unless you've had like specialized combat training in the last ten minutes."

"Uh, nope," Mithos replied.

"Then yeah, reinforcements."

"Well, I did just change a dirty diaper-"

"That doesn't count," Emil cut in.

"I don't know, it was a real doozy…" Mithos added in a whisper, "_Number two_."

"Yggy, focus!" Emil snapped. "Botta's number, what is it?"

"Come on, Castagnier," Mithos scoffed. "Everybody remembers Botta's number! Didn't he ever teach you the song?"

"Oh right, Botta's jingle," Emil sighed.

Mithos then started to sing: "If you want to talk, don't email. And don't you click, clickclickclick, just call me up at 555-B-O-T-A!"

Emil rolled his eyes as he dialed the number into his cell phone. "You know, it probably would have been more memorable if it rhymed, or if his name actually had just one T."

"Oh, music is a great way to learn things," Mithos giggled. "That's how I studied for the MCAT."

Emil looked up at this. "You passed the MCAT?"

"Nah, not even close," Mithos admitted. "But you should really hear my rendition of the Kelly Clarkson song 'Miss Independence.' It teaches you all about the lymphatic system." He then started singing again, "Dum, d-dum, lymphatic system-"

"Hey shut up," Emil hissed as he listened to the dialing tone. "I'm on the phone."

"Honk!" the baby cried.

"And do me a favor," Emil growled. "Kill that fucking thing, would you?"

After a short while, Botta Jr.'s voice called out, "Hey dude."

"Botta! Hey it's Emil, I-"

"This is Botta, at 555-B-O-T-A, doodleydoo. I'm not in the cassita right now, so leave your low-down at the ding-dong. Hasta."

"Hey Botta, this is Emil, I need to-"

But he was interrupted by a female voice saying, _"You have reached the voicemail system."_

Emil sighed in irritation. "Okay, okay, come on."

_"To leave a message, just wait for the tone."_

"I know how to leave a goddamned message!"

_"When you are finished recording, just hang up, or press pound for more options."_

"Really, hang up, no shit," Emil muttered sarcastically. "I was just gonna keep talking until he decided to check his voicemail."

_"For delivery options, press five."_

"Just give me the damn beep!"

_"To leave a callback number, press eight. To page this person, press six."_

"COME ON!"

_"To repeat this message, press nine."_

"I will fucking stab you, computer phone lady!"

* * *

Meanwhile at the ship, Kratos and Sheena had run out of ways to enrage Presea and Zelos had come back from the Warthog, but the metallic noises had not stopped.

"That tapping is gonna drive _me_ insane," Zelos grunted. "We either need to get Presea outta here, or find a way to kill her."

"Presea, can you please stop tapping?" Sheena yelled. "We heard you. You're crushed and you're in mortal danger, we _get it_."

But the noises still didn't stop. "I can feel the tapping in my brain!" Zelos screamed.

Kratos sighed and scratched the top of his head. "Well I have to admit, I'm stumped! I have no idea how to get her out."

"Jesus," Zelos cried. "How long would it take her to starve to death? When was the last time she ate?" He turned to his leader. "Sarge, didn't you once tell me you built self destruct mechanisms into our armor? Can't you just use Presea's?"

"No, sadly that's just you, Wilder," Kratos replied regrettably. "Although I could activate yours if you'd like."

"How would _that_ help?"

"Well the situation _would_ be a little less annoying."

Sheena jumped at the opportunity. "You want me to get the activation code, Sir?"

"Nah," Kratos replied. "The activation code is just 'activation code.' Keep it simple."

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that," Sheena groaned.

Just then the metallic rapping got louder.

"Oh my God, is it getting louder?" Zelos moaned, placing his hands on the sides of his head. "I bet the Blues don't have to put up with anything this annoying."

* * *

_"To mark this message as urgent, press eleven." _

"There IS no eleven, you FUCKING WHORE!" Emil yelled.

"Ooh, language," Mithos scolded, placing his hands over the baby's head.

* * *

Kratos let out a despondent sigh. "It pains me as your leader to say this, but I think we need to admit defeat. Years of experience on the battlefield and I've finally met my match. I never thought I'd be beaten by a ship: a ship full of enemies, maybe, but never just a ship itself!" He turned and gave a noble salute to the ship. "Bravo, ship. Brav-oh."

"Don't give up yet, Sir," Sheena protested. "I'm sure we could find a way to-"

"Ah, Sheena it's hopeless," Kratos cut in, turning to face his privates. "Let's start assigning duties for our retreat."

But while he was talking, there was another loud creak and a long door at the back of the ship began to lower. Sheena stared in amazement. "Uhh, Sir-"

"Sheena, you can pack up all the toiletries and remaining MREs," Kratos said. "But make sure not to mix them up, or we'll never be able to tell them apart again."

"Sir, you really should turn around," Zelos cut in.

"Sure," Kratos muttered. "And give the ship a chance to rub it in. No dice."

"Sir, the door's open," Sheena shouted, pointing over Kratos's shoulder. "That means we won. Another victory for the glorious Red Army!"

"What?" Kratos spun round to see the ramp leading out of the ship. "I mean of course it is! Looks like my plan worked! Chalk up another one in the win column for Kratos!"

Then a fully armored soldier in bright yellow armor stepped out of the ship. "Hey, who's that guy?" Kratos cried out. "Let's shoot him."

* * *

_"To hear these options in Spanish, press dos."_

"I HATE YOU!" Emil roared.

Then finally the beep came and Emil quickly recovered. "Botta, it's Emil, I need you-"

_"I'm sorry, but this person's voice mailbox is full."_

As the line went dead, Emil put his phone away and facepalmed. "I'm gonna kill myself," he growled. "I'm gonna kill myself."

"Uh, what was that all about?" Mithos asked.

"Yggy, we are royally screwed," Emil sighed. "Half our team is down and I think-"

"No it's not, look!" Mithos pointed towards the Base. "Sage is already back in action."

Emil looked round to see Genis staggering out of the Base. "I'm okay, I'm okay," he called out weakly then he fainted again. "I'm not okay…"

"He's fine," Mithos reassured.

Emil sighed and bowed his head. "Like I was saying, half the team is down and the other half that's left sucks. So all the Reds need to do is attack us, and we're dead."

"Honk!" the alien squeaked.

"Oh, right," Emil grunted. "And I have to kill this fucking thing."

"Also I see a big ship," Genis whimpered. "Now I know I'm hallucinating!"

"Oh, I forgot that part!" Emil cried. "The Reds also have an enormous ship that was sent by their Command. It probably has a huge fucking weapon on it, like a nuke, or a biological weapon that's gonna melt our skin, or a genetic weapon that's gonna make everyone in blue armor sterile… Awesome."

"Hmmm," Mithos murmured nervously. "Maybe this isn't the best time to remind you that technically I'm neutral in this conflict."

"Yggy, I don't think the situation could get much worse," Emil retorted. "I mean the ship is bad enough, but God knows what kind of reinforcements they have in that thing. It could be a whole new squad, or a Freelancer, or-"

* * *

"Zelos' sister?!" Sheena and Kratos cried out in shock.

"Yeah." the yellow soldier replied kookily. "Isn't that cool?"

At the ship, the appearance of the new soldier had surprised the Reds greatly, especially Kratos who had been hoping for more. But the biggest surprise came when the soldier had run down the ramp and grabbed Zelos in a big bear hug. When Sheena asked what was going on, the soldier removed her helmet, showing her short red hair and feminine face, realizing that it was Zelos' younger sister, Seles.

"You know, I always knew there was a genetic possibility that Wilder would have blood relatives," Kratos muttered. "But I always held on to the hope that he was the horrible by-product of an experiment on a turd manufacturing plant!"

Zelos then pulled out of the hug and glared at his sister. "_Go home_."

"What?" she cried out.

"Seles, go home, _right now_!" Zelos repeated. "Get in your ship, uncrash it, and fly it home!"

"Whatever," Seles snorted. "Make me."

"As much as I don't wanna spoil my reputation as a do-nothing slacker, I will not hesitate to beat you senseless and drop you in that ship myself."

Seles' face fell. "I thought you would be happy to see me."

"How did you even get here?" Zelos yelled. "We're in the future!"

"Hmm, I think I know how," Sheena interposed, turning to Zelos's sister. "Did you use your hyperdrive to get here, or just the light drive?"

"Which one is the hippie drive?" she asked puzzled. "Is that the one with all the knobs or is it the... other one with all the knobs?"

"Yeah, she probably came here just using the light drive," Sheena assumed. "And as Einstein theorized, in his theory of relativity-"

"English," Zelos cut in.

Sheena sighed. "When you travel near the speed of light, time slows down for you. Essentially, she came forward in time by traveling at light speed."

"That's stupid," Zelos scoffed.

"No, that's science," Sheena retorted. "Didn't you ever read the famous science fiction story where the astronaut watches his baby son being born, but _then_ he gets in a ship-"

"No."

"Well, did you ever read the one where-"

"No!"

"How 'bout-"

"I didn't read any of them!"

"When did you become such a nerd Sheena?" Seles asked.

"Hey, I'm not a nerd," Sheena snapped. "My mom says there's nothing shameful about being smart."

"Alright, Missy," Kratos butted in. "There's just one thing I don't get. How'd you join the Army?"

"What do you mean?" she asked. "I just signed up."

"But you're a… you know, you-you got lady parts."

"So?"

"So unless this is the cooking and sewing Army-"

"No, I went to join the _real_ Army." she hissed through her teeth a bit.

"Does your gun shoot brownies?"

"What?"

"You'll have to excuse Sarge," Sheena cut in. "He comes from the old school. He did something similar to me and another soldier when we first signed up."

"Alright," Seles replied. "By the way, nobody says 'old school' anymore. Actually, they told me I was too young. So I grabbed an extra suit of armor, and boosted a shuttle."

"Glad you learned _something_ from me," Zelos said proudly.

"No, I'm just kidding," Seles chuckled, shattering Zelos's pride. "I always wanted to do something like that."

"But why did you join the Army?" Zelos asked. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

His sister sighed and bowed her head. "Well, you always looked after me when Mom ran away to join the circus."

"W-Wait a second, hold on," Sheena interrupted. " That what happened to your mom? She's in the circus?" She then burst out laughing. "You know, I never really liked you, but you've made my insults forty-five percent more efficient by just saying one sentence."

"Was your Mom a flaming sword swallower?" Kratos asked out of curiosity. "We could use somebody to replace Presea."

"No," she replied. "You know how circuses have a bearded lady, and a fat lady? Well, _my_ Mom plays both, because she's like _super_-talented."

"Oh… my… God," Sheena breathed. "Is it okay if I record everything you say?"

"Sure!" she replied dimly. "Anyway, Zelos always looked after me, but when he went away, I didn't want to be alone."

"Okay, let me get this straight," Sheena said, putting the pieces together. "You felt scared, being alone, so you decided to join a war."

"She's a Wilder alright," Kratos concluded.

Zelos then had a realization. "Wait a minute; she was the one who was tapping!"

"Duh," Sheena said.

"Yeah," Seles added. "I was wondering why you guys didn't answer."

"None of us know Morse Code," Sheena explained. "It's outdated."

"Don't you mean _old school?_" she chuckled.

"No, don't you get it?" Zelos cut in. "If she was the one tapping, then… what happened to Presea?"

* * *

_Two hours earlier_

As Emil ran back to his Base, Presea peeked out from behind the boulder. "A baby?" he called out, dashing out from cover. "Wait up, I wanna see!"

"Presea, get back here!" Kratos bellowed. "Wait for the ship!"

Presea stopped in the middle of the canyon and whirled round. "But Sarge, we don't know when the ship is gonna get here," she called out. "It's coming all the way from Tethe'alla HQ. That could take days, or weeks, or months, or even years!"

The next thing she knew, there was a loud whooshing noise, she felt something heavy hitting her head and suddenly she was falling through pitch darkness, screaming all the way.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

As he fell, she caught glimpses of rocky spires and glowing lights before hitting the ground with a great thud.

"Ow…" she groaned before blacking out.


End file.
